I have to turn around.
In life, we encounter different scenarios that we, as humans, navigate through. These scenarios are shaped by what we perceive in front of us—the negatives that weigh us down, the positives that lift us up, the uncertainties that make us hesitate, and the bold decisions that inspire us to act. Right now, I’m experiencing a few of these scenarios firsthand, especially in how I view and feel about myself—my journey with me, myself, and I. To say I’m certainly down on myself is an understatement; I’m wrestling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt that can, at times, feel overwhelming. It’s a struggle that I’ve come to realise I need to confront and work through if I ever hope to find joy in my own company again.
The journey to rediscovering self-worth is not a straight path; it’s filled with twists and turns, moments of clarity, and, unfortunately, times of darkness. However, I believe that by addressing these feelings head-on and accepting both my flaws and strengths, I can begin to reshape my self-perception and reignite my enjoyment of being who I am. After all, life is too short to keep battling myself; I must embrace the idea that I am worthy of happiness and self-love, even amid the chaos.
In Short
I spoke about my weight issue; yes, I should say my obesity issue, and that’s where it got to. Was I happy? No, it took my surgeon to yell at me politely, saying, ” Paul, you’re not fat; you’re dealing with obesity.””” That was the wake-up call I truly needed—a good kick in the rear. Sometimes, the truth is a good thing, and in my case, it was life-changing. As I stood in front of the mirror, preparing to jump in the shower, I was mesmerised by how big I had gotten. I didn’t like it one bit. It was like staring at a stranger, someone I no longer recognised. A wave of regret washed over me as I thought about the choices I had made that led me to this point. I realised that to reclaim my life and my health, I needed to confront the reality of my situation and start making serious changes. It was time for me to embrace the challenge ahead and turn my life around, step by step.
It all built up: my weight issue and where I was in life at 68 were huge questions that didn’t have clear answers. I often found myself reflecting on the path I was taking, questioning whether I truly liked or enjoyed it. Then came the overwhelming realisation that the mind is a powerful force, capable of shaping our reality in profound ways. However, in my case, it seemed to lead me down a darker road. I reached a point where I couldn’t identify many things I liked about myself; in fact, I started to resent and hate who I was in so many ways. This negative self-image would trigger intense feelings of despair every time I stepped into the shower or found myself alone with my thoughts. Each moment became a struggle, a reminder of my insecurities, and it felt as though the weight of those thoughts hung over me like a dark cloud, making it increasingly difficult to see a way forward.
Knock, knock- I need help, please.
That’s exactly what I did; I talked to my doctor about my obesity. Then, the dietitian came in, and I spoke to my company about seeing their psychologist, as they were aware of my mental health issues that needed attention. Thankfully, I never intended to hurt anyone or myself.
Moving forward, slowly but surely.
Small but positive steps—I have lost 20.7 kilos as I enter my 18th week of the obesity program. I’ve attended three counselling sessions with Reija, who is polite and understanding and doesn’t react when I use strong language to express my issues. We are making progress, although I still have personal challenges. Understanding myself has taken a few steps back, but that’s okay.
The question is? What do I like or love about myself?
Twelve months ago, the answers would take up two full pages; we’re now starting – on just a paragraph of moving forward. I like to think I have a great attitude in life, and I demonstrate that by not allowing personal challenges to interfere with my work responsibilities or my family time at home with Toots and the kids. I strive to show my family and friends that I am the happy guy they love to be with, someone who brings joy and positivity into their lives. Personality-wise, I haven’t lost the essence of how I speak or interact with others; I continue to listen intently to every conversation with anyone who enjoys chatting. I treat people with respect and honesty, perhaps being overly honest at times, but I believe that transparency fosters trust and strengthens relationships. This commitment to integrity not only enhances my interactions but also deepens the bonds I share with those around me, making every connection meaningful and rewarding.
What will help my love for me?
I say it again, losing the weight and toning up my body is going to give me a chance to meet the lady of my life, and it was explained to me that giving my heart to someone special will teach me to learn and love myself again, to enjoy me for who and what I am as a human being. With my family, as a dad, a buddy, and a friend to those who are in my life, I find great joy and purpose. What I truly love about myself is that I never give up on the challenges that are placed in front of me. Each obstacle is an opportunity for growth, and as I face them, I dig deep into my experience bag, reflecting on past trials and triumphs, even if it means adding a new chapter to my life. By embracing these experiences, I become a stronger version of myself, better equipped to build meaningful connections and navigate the exciting possibilities ahead, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling existence.
Journry Through Life.
