.
I believe he can, and I’m genuinely optimistic about his abilities right now because I have seen his dedication and hard work in various circumstances; his potential seems limitless, and I can’t wait to see what he accomplishes in the future.
For Me.
It was standing in front of the bathroom mirror that I truly confronted what I found disgusting and unlikeable about myself; it was me—I’m fucking obese in so many ways. When you look in the mirror and feel that something isn’t right, and you dread what you see, it’s essential to seek help. That was exactly what I did. I went to my doctor’s office feeling vulnerable yet determined, and I asked her for support because I was unhappy with my appearance. In response, she scheduled an appointment for me with a dietitian and emphasised the importance of staying in touch with her throughout the process. In addition to that, I also started a new weight loss program that involved medication, specifically an injection called Mounjaro, which promised to aid in my weight loss journey. This was just the beginning of my commitment to change; I knew I had to take steps to improve my health and self-esteem. Each day since then, I’ve focused on taking care of myself, making healthier choices, and embracing a journey that’s not just about losing weight, but about gaining confidence and learning to love myself again.
It’s the start of one habit.
The other thing I detest about myself is me; I dislike where I am right now and who I am in some ways. I’m not saying I’m a bad person, but I just don’t seem to understand myself like I used to, if that makes sense. Some days, I look in the mirror and feel disconnected; it’s like I’m living someone else’s life. The big issue is the loneliness, and I blame myself for it. I can’t make excuses for it, especially when I see others who are happy being home alone or going out to the movies, restaurants, taking long walks, or enjoying coffee by themselves. While I seem to find some comfort in solitude and appreciate my own company, I can’t help but hate myself for being stuck in this place in life. It’s a tumultuous feeling, knowing I can change my circumstances yet feeling paralysed by the very thoughts that haunt me. This internal struggle creates a profound ache, as I long for belonging and understanding, both from others and from within.
A Slow but moving-forward concept.
I went and got weighed the other day, which I do every second Friday as part of my weight loss journey. Ali is great; she’s really working hard with me and helps set up the right formula for my success. I stepped onto the scales as I usually do, but I can’t see the numbers as they go directly to the computer. As I stood there, I heard this unexpected ” oh-no,” and I started thinking, “Fuck, I’ve lost no weight.””” To my surprise, she screamed with joy, exclaiming that I had lost 4.7 kilos this fortnight—the biggest loss yet! It’s incredible how just a few weeks can make such a difference. You see, I’ve been averaging roughly 2 kilos lost every fortnight, and over the past 17 weeks, I’ve shed 20.7 kilos, going from 146.7 to 126 kilos. Wow, this marks my first 20 kilos lost, and it feels like a significant milestone on my path to better health and fitness. This weight loss has not only lifted my spirits but also motivated me to push harder on my journey ahead.
It did, and it didn’t.
Lift my spirits at the surgery, yes indeed, and come the shower, as I stood naked looking at the same guy I’ve seen for the last nearly five months, a fat one at that. Fuck, how fat am I? It was disappointing in some ways, and one thing I don’t understand is that I know I’m losing weight, yet when I look in the mirror, I can still see obesity staring back at me. It feels surreal, grappling with the reality of my reflection, knowing I am working hard to change but not seeing the transformation I crave. The mirror doesn’t lie, and each glance feels like a harsh reminder of my struggles and insecurities. I try to remind myself of the progress, the little victories along the way, but the image often overshadows those moments of triumph. This ongoing battle with my self-image is exhausting; I want to feel proud of the changes I’m making, yet the reflection often makes me question my journey and fuels a lingering frustration.
Goals and moving forward are a must.
Yes, I do set goals, and I’m working hard to move forward. I know I have the right people around me—my doctor, my dietitian, and my psychologist—all dedicated to helping me succeed. Their support is invaluable, and in return, I’m trying really hard for them too, focusing on my journey to reach my goals in life. I’m looking at at least another 12 months of commitment, particularly with the weight, as I have set the ambitious target of losing another 40 kilos. This journey is not just about the numbers on the scale; it’s about rediscovering my self-worth and learning to like myself again. Understanding who I am is crucial to this process, as I strive not only to meet my weight-loss goals but also to develop a healthier mindset. I recognise that I am not just trying—I am determined to accomplish significant changes in my life that will lead me to a happier, healthier version of myself.
Journey through life 68.
